Managing Modern Parenthood

Survivial Strategies From Mom to Mom

By Courtney D. Scott | September 2010

Working mothers straddle the worlds of job and home, juggling demands tossed from all corners: family, job, schools, activities. Keeping everything running smoothly is often more than one woman can achieve. The African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” may be overused, but let’s just say no one in old Africa envisioned a village with today’s childcare challenges and harried schedules.

I tapped into my village and found working moms with useful survival strategies to share. Below are some suggestions and shortcuts on adding a little calm and order to our otherwise chaotic lives.

Childcare Challenges

Trustworthy childcare is the most important obstacle working mothers face and word of mouth is the best avenue for locating dependable childcare. When searching for childcare, most moms simply ask their friends. Or as PR Executive, Laura Bower put it, “I work the Mommy Network.” But moms are not the only support players in our villages; our networks today should include fathers, grandparents, extended family, neighbors, and friends.

Many working moms rely on other parents, trading childcare duties with their friends whenever possible. Trading time saves money and provides peace of mind, but care should be taken to ensure these arrangements are as fair and reciprocal as possible. No one wants to be the village doormat as evidenced by the August 5 Wall Street Journal article “Doormat Rebellion Begins at Home,” which highlights the uprising of work-at-home and stay-at-home parents against their favor-asking, work-away counterparts.

Working moms actually hire their friends as childcare providers. The working mom knows her child is in good hands and the stay-at-home mom makes a little cash on the side, even scoring a playmate for her own child. Everybody wins!

Other parents work opposite shifts, saving the cost and stress of outside childcare. Parents gain individual time with the children, a luxury when family time of any sort is limited. But be aware, this type of flex arrangement can be stressful on a marriage. As Marie Slaby, a library associate from Thurmont personally attests, “Even if your marriage is strong, this is a logistical, emotional challenge.” 

Such nonprofessional childcare arrangements are increasingly common as our weakening economy has created additional financial stress at home. A 2009 survey by The National Association of Child Care Resources and Referral Agencies (www.naccrra.org), a non-profit organization dedicated to providing child care information to parents, professionals, and advocates, assessed the recession’s impact on parent’s ability to afford childcare. Of the survey respondents, nearly 75 percent reported an increase in the number of families unable to meet their childcare costs. Clearly, the villagers need other means of support.

In the professional world of childcare, church and health club childcare centers are common proving grounds for babysitters and nannies. Employees at such facilities frequently are subjected to background checks and are often CPR trained which makes everyone breathe a little easier. Such facilities may also have bulletin boards or other means for posting “sitter wanted” ads.

In the cyber-village, online services such as www.mdchildcare.org can further aid in the search for licensed childcare in your area, and www.care.com is a cool tool that in addition to hooking you up with available (mom-reviewed and background approved) child care people in your area for free, offers a babysitter calculator where you input your zip code, the number of kids you have, and the amount of experience your sitter should have, then gives you a competitive hourly rate for your area.

Mad-Dashing

If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will: your work schedule conflicts with afterschool pickup followed immediately by a Scout meeting overlapping baseball practice. Whew! Sounds daunting and it is. What to do? Work your village again. Share the transportation load with other families by making weekly or monthly carpool schedules. Swap cell numbers with parents involved in similar activities for when you need a backup. Wendi Winters, a freelance writer from Annapolis gives homemade muffins to other parents who transport her kids. She makes several batches, freezes them and doles them out when the carpool arrives - a nice way to keep the village happy.

Many families keep two sets of car seats so either parent or other routine caregivers can assume transportation duties without swapping car seats between vehicles. For juggling transportation, your village must extend beyond your own vehicle and your inability to be more than one place at a time. This is precisely why 7-passenger minivans were created.

Check out www.dividetheride.com. It’s a free and secure service that does the organization for you by helping you manage carpools schedules and events with the families you choose and trust. The service even sends reminders to cell phones and email addresses.

Plays, Trips and Activities

While schools and extracurricular activities graciously occupy our children for untold hours, they also want us as volunteers. The best approach according to the moms in my village - be realistic and choosy. Select activities that fit within your life. Many working moms volunteer only for special events such as field trips. These events are scheduled to allow advanced planning. Other working moms volunteer by doing classroom or administrative work at home after hours. You can use scissors while you watch reality TV, right?

By necessity, many working moms are selective about activities for their children. Not every kid needs to play every sport every season. Just saying that out loud relieves a bit of pressure. In addition, over-scheduling can wreak havoc on your child, creating irritability, mood swings and even sickness. Children need down time when they can just be kids. It is important, however, that your child gets involved in some activity after school. According to a study by the Nellie Mae Education Foundation, “children who participate in some after-school programs are more engaged in and have a better attitude about learning, perform better academically, and enjoy an increased sense of accomplishment, competence, and self-esteem.”

Work-at-Home Mom

Working from home can be a mother’s dream as well as her nightmare. Personal discipline is a must. Set up routines and stick to them. Specify times for answering emails and calls. Capitalize on the flexibility. Work while the baby naps, rise an hour earlier than the rest of the house or work for an hour after the kids go to sleep. One hour of uninterrupted time is more productive than hours of stop-and-start work.

If you have a home office door, close it. Invest in a phone with a mute button, “a work-at-home mother’s greatest tool”, according to Jill Phillips, a Frederick insurance underwriter. And there’s no question about it, you will have to multi-task; some tasks allow for that and some don’t. Learn what those are for you then make “Juggler” your middle name.

And if Juggler is your middle name, “Delegation” should be your mantra. Only the village idiot would think all the household responsibilities belong to mom. Working mothers need the whole family’s assistance to get the house clean, meals cooked and clothes laundered. Divide duties, schedule a weekly chore night with everyone working together. Assign chores to all household members. Younger children will need more instruction at first, and remember, what we think of as one task, should be broken down into multiple small tasks for little ones. For example, break doing the dishes into smaller steps: clear the table – dishes go in the sink or dishwasher and food goes on the counter; leftover food gets put in smaller containers or wrapped for storage in the fridge; those dishes not dishwasher safe need to be washed; those going in the dishwasher get a quick rinse, then placed in the dishwasher. It may seem tedious at first, but you’re building helper skills, which will pay off later.

Plugged-in Mom

Village moms also love their Smartphones and WiFi. With kids in tow, you can be available to work at kid-friendly businesses such as big name book stores, restaurants and play places. Nanny web cams, many of which can be viewed on your phone, let you check in on the children anytime. Skyping, video calling from your laptop to a webcam at home, is also a great and inexpensive way to keep face-to-face contact with your kids while away on business.

 

Kelly Beins, an Occupational Therapist in Frederick uses her Smartphone to keep her husband synchronized with the family schedule by sending “invitations” for activities and transportation duties. This works for older kids too.

The plugged-in mom’s village isn’t complete without support from web resources that dish on the latest mom topics such as www.momlogic.com, www.workingmother.com and the plethora of blogs that grows daily [See sidebar “5 Must-Read Blogs”].

From all the chatter around the village, it’s clear that working moms reach all around them for help. And why shouldn’t they when there are so many others facing the same challenges?

5 Must-Read Blogs

For parenting blogs that will make you laugh, cry and even save money, visit these.

 

• http://themeanestmom.blogspot.com – hysterical entries by a mom of 4 children six years and younger that will have you agreeing, laughing and feeling like your life is normal

• www.momadvice.com – written by mother of two Amy Clark, these blogs (she writes three all accessed from this website) offer advice on saving money, work at home opportunities, reviews of latest products, inexpensive recipes and tips for organizing your life.

• www.thesimpledollar.com – this dad, who went through a complete financial meltdown, shares lessons he has learned about managing debt and your finances with your family.

• www.momisode.com – this career mom turned stay-at-mom shares an honest, raw and very entertaining look at her daily life as a mom of two little girls.

• www.mylitterofsix.blogspot.com – this mother of seven, yes, seven children now, blogs about managing her “litter.” It’s a fun, real look at her chaotic life that will make you laugh.